How to Win at Twitter

Social media is changing our information landscape. Use this to your advantage by implementing the following steps to win at Twitter. Be sure to check back next week for instructions and tips for winning at Facebook.

Step One: Take a high quality picture of yourself casually doing something unimportant. Drinking coffee seems popular.

Step Two: Create a username by combining a random verbs, adjectives, and nouns. Examples: FloaterDuck, HumorBacon

Step Three: Spill the contents of your brain directly into your computer or mobile device. See examples below: 

I’m eating a bagel right now and I hate it. Stupid Bagel. -- Posts about what you are eating or drinking at the moment are very popular.

Don’t kill the vegans, they didn’t do anything to you. #dontkillvegans  -- Note use of the ‘hashtag’ here. Hashtags make you look important. You should throw them in randomly whenever possible.

Quit poking my brain with sticks. I can feel that.  -- See, I can go on all day. Which is why I am going to win at Twitter.

Step Four Winning: Ultimately, you have to remember the final goal, which is gaining followers. The reason you have to get as many as possible is that the person with the most followers at the end wins. I don’t know when the deadline is, or what they are giving out as prizes, but you can Google that later. Just get a Twitter account and follow me.... Please.

Seriously, do it now.