Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Caffeinate Me: Now!

I have to admit to making this shirt for entirely selfish reasons. I need something to wear when visiting my mother-in-law. She… dramatic pause… tries to get me to drink decaffeinated coffee. Yeah, in the morning. Don’t get me wrong, I am not against other people drinking decaffeinated coffee. That is a lifestyle choice they prefer. However, just because they have chosen to be inane, doesn’t mean they can drag me down with them. 

Don’t try to force the issue by lying about it either. I can tell if there is caffeine in my coffee because I am still cranky and irritated by your presence.  I don’t appreciate the chicanery. Chicory, on the other hand… but I digress. I would never bring brownies into your home and tell you there is pot in them when there isn’t. Do me the same favor, please. 

Next time anyone offers me decaf, I am going to tell them that the only decaffeinated beverage I consume is beer. I will even drink one at breakfast if I have to, just to prove my point.


  1. beer would not agree with my gag reflex too early in the morning...much like blowjobs.

    tea is also another idiot drink. i figure if you want to look like you perform in musicals, then that's cool...drink the frigging tree.

    everyone else? you look stupid.

  2. What is the point of decaf? Coffee is MEANT to be caffeinated.

  3. Ok. I'm sorry but coffee tastes gross. It just does. So if I'm going to drink it anyways, it damn well better be worth it. And decaf is NOT worth it.

  4. So, you drink WaterJoe, then?

  5. I think I actually *am* against other people drinking decaf coffee. It's like drinking virgin anything when you are old enough to drink or already have your fake ID. Kind of an abomination.