If this reality creation thing has any legs at all, wearing this shirt will make annoying people instantly disappear.
Reality Planner: What should people do all day in your reality?
Me: I don’t know. What are my choices?
Reality Planner: You could have people live in bubbles in the sky under rainbows and they could fly around on magic unicorns. Or you could have people go to a building with grey half-walls constructed around desks where they will sit and stare at screens while typing.
Me: Whatever, that wall thing. That sounds fine.
Reality Planner: How about a Pakistan guy who loves Taco Bell?
Me: What is Taco Bell?
Reality Planner: It could be this place where people drive up in their cars to get handed tacos with artificial meat.
Me: Great, yeah. I’ll take like a million of those. Can I go now?
Side Note: Why do I not want to watch a YouTube video about enlightenment? Do I not want to be enlightened? Can I be enlightened without watching a homemade video with a picture of the ocean? That seems like really boring path. I need instant enlightenment. Maybe something I can hear on the radio. Or… I know… a tea! Lahikmajoedrinkstea will know which tea will lead to enlightenment. Right? And please don’t tell me to drink it while I am watching a YouTube video with a picture of the ocean, because I am not doing that.
To research tea enlightenment, go to lahikmajoedrinkstea.
For further information on how Facebook is full of a bunch of people that you are inconvenienced by actually knowing, go to Vive le Nerd to read a lovely rant on your right to Vulgarity.
If you are disconcerted because you are now wondering why the reality you constructed really sucks ass, go Shouts from the Abyss for a read from a self-proclaimed negativity guru about his boss. Your reality will automatically be better by comparison.
Please feel free to leave any comments about how to construct your own reality below. I obviously need some pointers. Keep in mind that links to flaky YouTube videos will be ignored.