Wednesday, January 25, 2012

How to Confront your Fears

Because I am an altruist, I decided to use my Self-HelpT-Shirt Blog (my other Self-Help T-Shirt blog) help you all overcome your fears. Of course, I have no idea what your fears are, so I had to start with mine. Of my three main fears, air travel, eating, and car washes, you helped me overcome all but one.  

Debihen wisely pointed out that the fear of traveling alone stems mainly from the fact that if the plane goes down, you will be forced to hold the hand of the person next to you for comfort….a person who could very well be germy and/or might scream like a girl. Plus it could be awkward later if the plane fails to actually sink to the bottom of the ocean. Luckily, Midianite Manna suggested all of this can be avoided simply by taking along a taxidermied mouse. If anyone happens to have a taxidermied mouse, let’s talk offline.
Lots of people had insight into the fear of eating alone. Gigi suggested impressing all the people staring at you by working a crossword puzzle in PEN. This is what very smart people do. Midianite Manna had an even better idea that if you fill out the crossword in Greek or Cyrillic letters, you will appear even smarter. I fully agree. I suggest you go ahead and fill one of these out in advance. That way, the pressure is off while you are at the restaurant by yourself trying to eat while everyone is staring at you.
MsDarkstar the Creatrix mentioned that she would like to one day dine at the fancy fondue place, but not as a solitary endeavor. I have never been to a fancy fondue place, but it sounds exactly like the type of thing you wouldn’t want to go to alone. She suggests finding an alcove under stairs for your dining experience, a very brilliant idea. However, if people see you lurking underneath an alcove with a fondue pot, they might find you rather strange. I’m going to locate an alcove anyway, so I can have it handy just in case.
Andreas Heinakroon brought up a theory that we feel awkward eating an elaborate savory meal alone because we are supposed to sharing it with our fellow hunter gatherers. This makes total sense to me because I don’t feel odd eating a granola bar alone. Of course, if I was at a table somewhere eating a granola bar, I would be terrified. He admits after stating the theory that it seemed a bit contrived, and I think we can all agree the concept really doesn’t fit in with fondue. I guess he figured he already had the comment all typed out, so he might as well go ahead with it.
Lahikmajoe suggested reading a book or the paper. I think this is a brilliant idea. I don’t know how many of you have actually seen a print newspaper, but they are unbelievably large. A newspaper is large enough to construct a temporary hiding place for yourself as you pretend to read the articles you will later catch up with online or through Twitter. As an added bonus, most newspapers come with a crossword puzzle. Double win for all of us. Thanks everyone for helping me work this out.

As for the car wash, it is an issue left unresolved. Apparently, I am not the only person afraid of the car wash. At least we can all take comfort in the fact we are not alone. If you ever see anyone stuck in a car wash because their car is rammed into it, take them the newspaper you bought for dinner later so they will have something to hide underneath. You don’t have to get them the entire paper. You can give them a section of it, the sports section, perhaps.
All considered, I am very pleased with the outcome of this blog post. I always say that if my blog helps only one person in the world, it is worth all the effort… especially if that person is me.

You can click here to read: How to Confront your Fears. However, I suggest you skip right to the comment section for the really useful bric-a-brac, hodge-podge, and whatnot.