How to Create Drama in your Life and Workplace

A while back, we celebrated National Drama Day. On this day, I requested everyone get pissy about something irrelevant, yell at someone, and report back in. Some of you handled this task more successfully than others.

Next time, let's all wear t-shirts!

@tcrowe77 set out to accomplish Drama Day with the best intentions, but eventually had to point out: "Hating that my coworker pushes that thermostat to 73 when it should ALWAYS be on 72 is relevant!” I tend to agree.

@gingerblaze participated by eloquently stating, “Why Does Guy On Train HAVE to Talk On His Phone At All?” People on phones are an excellent, and unending, resource for Drama Day.

@debihen expressed her frustration with pedicure issues, “I am irritated that my pedicure chipped. I suspect this will ruin my whole day.” While this seems like a perfectly valid drama day statement, the inherent problem lies in the fact that there is no one to yell at. Both the thermostat and obnoxious guy on phone situations incorporated a focus for yelling, and everyone knows that really good drama requires yelling. This is the reason why I had to yell at @debihen for messing up Drama Day. After all, I have to set a good example. 

To avoid this type of situation in the future, lets take a moment to go over a few Drama Day basics:

No matter the problem, someone else is always to blame

You can’t fully accomplish drama day by acting like nail polish chips are some sort of natural occurrence. You must to find someone to blame for this so you can yell at them. For example, you can yell at the person who gave you the pedicure; unless, of course, you gave yourself the pedicure. In that case, you are going to have to call the 800 number on the nail polish to find someone to yell at. It will take a little longer, but well worth your time.

Always remember that everyone is out to get you.

Let’s say, for instance, co-worker sends you an email without commas. Why did she send you an email with bad punctuation? Because she was trying to get work done? No. She sent you an email with no punctuation because she does not respect you. You are not worth the commas. You should spend the rest of the day carefully composing a long diatribe about professionalism in the workplace and commas. The more people you can CC on this, the better.

Lastly, and most importantly, phlegmy people will not be tolerated.

This shirt will prevent phegmy people from trying to use your clothing as kleenex. I have never actually seen this happen, but you can’t be too careful.

The most admirable outcome of Drama Day was @zippy219 who "picked a fight over nothing with a coworker just because I don't like her.  She's phlegmy." Phlegmy people should always be yelled at as much as possible. If you can’t yell at them, you should at least attempt to spike their tea with Allegra in order to eradicate the cause of your irritation. For any tips of what type of tea is best to spike with Allegra, you should probably refer to my friend lahikmajoe’s expertise at lakimajoedrinkstea. He will definitely be able to recommend something.

@zippy219: I now declare you the Drama Day winner. I didn’t know it was a contest until now, so there aren’t any actual prizes, but congratulations anyway.

 I must also give credit to @debihen for coming in a close second with the very powerful, last minute, drama day rant:

@lgalaviz yelled at me 'cause I did #dramaday wrong. She has ruined my week. #heavysigh

Note how many of the characteristics of a successful drama day @debihen incorporates into this statement. She identifies the problem, assigns blame, and assumes that I am out to get her, thus utterly ruining her week. 

Well done, @debihen. The heavy sigh was a great touch. If only you could have somehow worked in phlegm.

Even though the official Drama Day is over (at least for now) feel free to leave any further rants or Drama Day suggestions below.